


A Long and Venerable Tradition

by Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Crack Relationships, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-17 06:37:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2300003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw/pseuds/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A smut-free, cracktastic look behind the scenes of the filming of Day of the Doctor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Long and Venerable Tradition

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written any RPF before, and I hardly ever read any; it feels weird to me in a way that just writing about the characters doesn't. But one night an idea popped into my head, and demanded to be written. So please don't take this too seriously, because it really isn't meant to be.
> 
> Also, you may find the cast list at the end here valuable: http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/The_Day_of_the_Doctor_%28TV_story%29

“So that's Karen, Arthur, Alex, and Jenna against Catherine, Freema, John, Noel, and Billie?” Matt notes, attempting to resolve the debate. “I must say, she's aged well for someone who started her career as a pop star.”

“I've had Alex, and Jenna,” David reminds him.

“I know, I was there,” Matt notes, pulling a sour face. “I did have a threesome with Neve and Catrin, though. They were really into it; are they actually having a fling?” 

“Not that I know of,” David admits. “And you did have a go with Billie; I was there, after all.”

“True, true,” Matt agrees. “It's all been a bit of a rush, you know, the last few days. 

“I know what you mean,” David agrees, running a hand through his hair. “It's like 2006 all over again, times ten.”

“I see what you did there,” Matt points out. “Are we counting guest stars?” 

“I am married to one,” David observes as they reach the trailer labeled 'John Hurt' and rap on the door. The older man opens it after a moment in his pajamas. Good God, David thinks, is he in bed already? But the older man invites them in, and there is a kettle on, and they make themselves quite comfortable.

“I wasn't sure at first,” Matt begins. “But now that we've seen the script, you know.”

“We thought we should tell you that there's something of a tradition among the Doctors,” David continues. John gestures for them to continue just as Jenna steps out of the trailer's bathroom, wearing nothing but a man's dress shirt, unbuttoned. Unfazed, she pours herself a mug of tea and plunks herself down on the foot of the bed.

“Of shagging their companions?” John asks. “Ms. Coleman was just enlightening me.”

“So to speak,” Matt says with a cough. 

“Should we be going?” David asks, trying to be discreet.

“No, no, do stay!” John says, permissively waving his arm. “Jemma and Ingrid will be down in a little while; you may as well stay. It will be a proper party. Besides, I should like to hear more.”

“It all started fifty years ago,” Matt begins. “With William Hartnell getting a blowjob from the girl playing his granddaughter.”

“God bless filthy Billy Hartnell, and rest his soul,” David interjects, raising his tea in salute.

“Followed by a series of blowjobs from girls playing substitutes for his granddaughter,” Matt continues, and shrugs. “What can I say? He had a type.”

“I'm texting Peter,” Jenna announces as Ingrid and Jemma arrive. “Save you retelling it all.”

“Has nothing to with the fact that you think he's a fox,” Matt teases.

“Jealous much?” Jenna teases in reply, but plants a kiss on his cheek, and that begins a chain of events which serve to distract everyone quite nicely until Peter arrives, followed closely by Billie and Joanna.

“Getting a bit crowded in here,” he observes as the fun settles down. “Where were we?”

“Patrick Troughton,” Matt recalls. “And his massive crush on Frazer Hines,” he adds, with the air of a man who has Wendy Padbury for an agent.

“They plowed through every woman on the set,” David recounts with a smile, relishing the pleasure of a secret told and retold. “But mostly each other.”

“Honestly, have you watched them? Even on screen, they're all over each other,” Matt continues.

“Hear, hear,” the room echoes. 

“And Jon Pertwee?” asks Peter Capaldi, who had watched the Third Doctor eagerly as a teenage fan.

“Two words: Roger Delgado. And Caroline John. And, I mean, Katy Manning. The woman could make a Dalek look sexy,” David admits.

“A rare talent,” Jenna teases.

“And Lis Sladen,” Matt adds, triggering a moment of silence. “Do you know if she ever completed the set?” David shakes his head. “To Lis Sladen,” he toasts, the tea long since replaced with brandy.

“Which brings us to Tom Baker,” Ingrid prompts, as all she is wearing is her costume scarf. 

“No truth to the rumor that he arranged for his companions to get the boot when he was finished with them,” David tells them.

“Briefly married to one of them. Not that there's anything wrong with that,” Matt adds slyly. “But nothing on your father-in-law: now that man could host an orgy.”

“Damn right,” David laughs, a bit awkwardly. “I often wondered what Colin Baker did to earn his co-stars,” he muses. “And Sylvester never revealed what he and Sophie got up to between takes, the coy bastard. You'd think he'd tell a fellow Scot.”

“Apparently not,” Matt says with a shrug. “And that brings us to the marvelous Paul McGann, who managed to eat out for years on the strength of a single televised performance, and mostly pussy.”

“He was putting out a ton of audio work,” Peter points out.

“You can't flirt half so well on camera,” David explains. “And there's all that time spent in makeup and wardrobe. Speaking of which, I don't think they even bothered with clothes half the time.”

“Which reminds me, Matt: we've got another recording session at the end of the month,” Jenna calls. “Do wear those little red briefs I fancy so?”

“Little red briefs?” Billie asks.

“You should see them in action,” Jenna confides, and the rest of the women bend their ears.

“I'd rather see you in action,” Bille replies.

“If you're good,” Jenna tells her.

“Insert Bad Wolf joke here,” David interrupts breezily.

“You're making me all nostalgic,” Billie laughs, swatting at his arm. “You never forget your first Doctor, they say. Shame he couldn't make it.”

“I don't think I could fit anyone else in my trailer,” John notes, and the point is conceded.

“And so we pass the tradition on to the two of you,” Matt concludes. “No secret handshake or anything.”

“It's in good hands,” Peter promises, an assertion seconded by everyone else present.


End file.
